Alternative title for the women....My husband is a butthead...My usual, lots of background, blah blah blah... Oh yeah, this took place about 3 years ago...
My shoulder hurt.
Stupid mower anyways.
I stood there, tank top sweated to my chest and back, sweat dripping down my back into my panties, then blew the hair that had escaped my pony out of my face, bent over, and gave the damn cord another pull...
Nothing, and it had been a real GOOD pull, and now my shoulder really hurt! So, I reacted like the Officer and Gentlewoman that I am.
"You Motherfuckin Sonofabitchin piece of Fuckin Shit, start Dammit start!"
I kicked it. And hurt my toe. So I started hopping up and down, and really started to use some bad language. I stopped hopping though, and shut up when I heard him behind me.
"Angela Lynn Johnson! What in the hell do you think you are doing!?"
Shit! First, he wasn't supposed to be home yet! Second, he was really ticked! You could tell by a. His tone. b. He swore while addressing me, something he almost never does. and c. He used not only my middle and last name, but my full first name as well! And that is Never Ever a good thing! No one EVER calls me Angela unless I am in trouble, even as a girl, my sisters, my parents, my teachers, it was always Angie, until.... Or now, same thing.
"Just WHAT do you think you are doing, young lady?"
I bit back the very first thing that came to mind, I was ticked, not suicidal.
"Trying to mow the damn lawn, what does it look like?" Duhhhh.
"I can see that. WHY are you trying to mow the lawn, and if you don't want your mouth washed out with soap, you Better start watching your language and tone."
That got my attention. He really really hates it when I swear, something he considers unladylike.
"Because," I said, "I'm tired of waiting for it to magically get done by itself. I'm tired of asking you and you telling me 'I'll get to it...' , and it needs to be cut, or the centipedes will be all over the place again and...." (we live in Hawaii, and they have Big ass centipedes, and they bite!)
"Stop right there. "
And now he was really ticked. His voice had dropped way down, was all testosterony and gravely, the same one he used to use to scare poor Privates in the Army...
I shut up, and folded my arms across my chest, and glared up at him self rightously.
"That WASN'T what I told you, now was it, Angie Lynn?"
Oops, he remembered! Well, at least we were back to Angie.
"What DID I tell you, young lady, before I left for work this morning?"
I mumbled something to the ground.
"Excuse me, I didn't quite catch that?"
"I said, you told me that you would do it tonight, as soon as you got home...."
"And when was the FIRST time that you asked me to mow it?"
"This morning..." I mumbled out.
"Exactly. And why were you swearing like a sailor out here?"
"Because the Go- I mean, the stupid mower wouldn't start, and I hurt my shoulder, and...."
Shit. That was NOT a happy look in his face....
"I KNOW the mower won't start, I unhooked the spark plug wire before I left this morning. I didn't trust you..."
That ASS! What a complete and utter jerk! What a butthead! "
...AND WHY didn't I want you to mow the lawn, baby?"
Oh shit, so much for my self rightous indignation... I was suddenly brought back to reality.
"Um, mumble mumble mumble...."
"Angela...." said in THAT tone that they get....
"Because my shoulder is still hurt and hasn't healed yet..." Okay, a brief digression.... A couple of weeks before this incident, I was at my regular Aikido practice. I'm upper level, and was working with someone who was going for their brown belt, and they ended up trying something WAY to advanced, and well, things didn't do so well, and it ended up with either me taking an awkward fall, or him really really getting hurt. So I took the fall, and wrenched my shoulder pretty good. Bad enough that I didn't even finish practice, but had some one drive me to the clinic, and I got checked out. Just your basic severe sprain/strain, nothing broke, dislocated, and no complete tears. But it was going to put a crimp in my lifestyle for a while....
And it was my Right shoulder, and I'm right handed. Husband had went with me to the PT later, and sat there while I was given a list of to dos and not to dos. She knows us, and just told him good luck, that Dr.s are the worst patients. He just told her that I would be following my rehab schedule...
Sooo, that meant no bike riding, (hurt to have my arm up, and the vibrations...), no body surfing, no boogy boarding, no windsurfing, no rollerblading (might fall you know) , and no martial arts training, other than solo practice, which is SOOOOO boring. So, I had been getting a mite testy lately, and was feeling very cooped up. And put upon. So, I had to do something, and I got fixated on the yard. I tend to get over focused like that. So he knew exactly what I was possibly going to do that morning before he left...
He sighed. "Come here... how bad did you hurt it now?"
"Not that bad..." which was only a partial lie, more of a fib...
"Good. Go inside, now."
I sulked, but I did it. Miss 17 was at the beach with her friends, and miss 19 was away at college. So just us.
"There was a reason I told you not to mow, and you know it. I also told you that I WOULD do it tonight, as you know. Sometimes, for a smart woman, you certainly don't act like it."
" I want you to get your stool, go to the corner, pull your shorts and panties down, and sit your ass down, nose on the wall. Now."
I just stared at him. No way! (and don't you just Hate it when they call it Your chair or Your stool or Your corner?!)
He stared back, and I went and did as I was told. But I pouted. I heard him in the kitchen, and I started to squirm, he really wasn't happy with me this time, he doesn't take well to me not taking care of myself.
"Honeyyyyyyyy?" I called out. Always best to sound polite when in trouble.
"My shoulder hurts like this, can I sit up?" and he grunted, sighed, and said yes. Then he was there, with the ice pack, and he put it on.
"Sit there, and think about this...." And then he was gone, but I could hear him, and it seemed like forever....but probably about 20 minutes, cause the cold pack had started to get warm...
Then he was back, and stood me up, put the pack down, and took me by my good arm, and led me, stumbling with my pants and undies still down, to the couch...
Hero that I am, I started sniffling...
Butthead that he is, he just snorted.
"Oh please! You have been a complete and utter little bitch to be around and to live with since you got hurt! And then this! You have been needing that fanny of yours warmed up for a while now, and you are going to get it!" He sat down on the couch, and put me over his lap, but angled me, so that my upper body, to include my shoulder, was fully supported...
"Ya know Angie, the nice thing about having you do corner time first, it really shows where the sit spot is on that white little butt of yours!"
And I just whimpered... So there I was, as he traced the pink outlines left by the stool, bare fanny up over his lap, shorts and pink undies now around my ankles, about to get spanked.
Then WHAP!!!!! "OWWWWWWW!!! Honneeeyyyyyy!!!!" "NO NONOOOOOO!" WHAP WHAP WHAPPPPP! "OW OW OWWWWWIIIIEEEE Oh it burnssssss!"
The big bully wasn't even using his hand, he was using one of the tourist paddles we have! I found out after, it was the 'Husband's Helper' one....
Well, he spanked me good and long and thoroughly, concentrating Way Way WAY too much on my lower cheeks and upper thighs, the same area I had just been sitting on...
Crying hard, I said I was sorry, and would behave, and all the other lies we say at times like that but really mean at the time...
He asked me a few questions, about what I had done wrong, what I was supposed to do, etc. and I gave all the right answers. Then he helped me up, and took me to bed, took off my top, (needed the help, my shoulder was still sore from the mower....) and my shorts and panties and shoes... and laid me down on the bed, tummy down...
He said stay there, and I had NO intention of not listening. He was back in a minute, with an ice pack, but it was for my shoulder, not my butt! When I told him I needed a Second one, or maybe more, he said he didn't think so, that I was supposed to feel it for a while... And, he said, he liked it when I was all heated up, and then he slid his hands over and between , and while my bottom still throbbed, he did take my mind off my arm....
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