Thursday, June 11, 2009

Infomercial machine/F

...(We join our show already in progress...)

"So Dr. Angie, let me get this straight, you are saying that a lot of female health problems that are considered to be 'normal' as we grow older really aren't?"

"That's right. Remember that little demonstration earlier, where I showed on our lovely model, all the basic muscles of the female bottom and pelvis?" (The men and women in the audience enthusiasticaly nod)

"Well, all together, those muscles make up what is known as the 'pelvic floor'. And their proper tone and conditioning is ESSENTIAL for good health. All these women who have problems as they get older, or if they have had children, with 'bladder' control when they laugh or sneeze or whatever, most of that comes from a lack of tone and control of these pelvic floor muscles. Also, this lack of tone decreases both the woman's and her partners sexual enjoyment."

"And you say that there is a solution for this problem?"

"Yes, I do. A rather simple one really, that will work wonders for 90% of the women out there. If, after a checkup, their Dr. finds that there is nothing really wrong, they would probably prescribe the same thing, Keggel exercises."

"And what are those?" "Very simply, you learn to strengthen and regain control of your pelvic muscles, and the way you do that is by simply imagining that you are going pee, and then stopping the flow in midstream."

"That's it?!" "Yes, that's it, except it takes some practice and repitions; to start with, I normally reccommend 3 sets of fifty times, working up to 3 to 5 sets of 200 times each."

"Wow! That's a lot of reps!" "Oh please, you are just like all the other women who want results but don't want to work for it! You know what to do, but simply won't do it, even if it means a better quality of life and increased sexual pleasure for you and your mate. So, knowing how a person's good intentions will often lose out to lack of self discipline and willpower, I have teamed up with Spikey manufacturing, and we have come up with a new, high tech solution!"

"Really, can we see?"

"Of course. As you can see, the device has a nice padded bench, and..."

"Is that a Dildo coming out of the bench!?!"

"Yes dear it is, but it is a very special dildo. Modeled after a type already out there, this measures the contractions, how strong each one is. We have just taken it a step farther, and hooked it up to the computer for easier feedback. It's okay, go ahead and touch it, see how it is warm and soft, we used the same material that is used in those Temperpedic pillows. So, what a woman does is program in how many reps she is supposed to do, and how many sets, and then she gets on and slips it in. She can choose the size that she wants also, we can custom make the dildoes. Once it is in place, the machine does the rest."

The audience watches as the lovely model places her bare bottom on the bench, slids the dildo in, and then leans forward...When she does, straps gently and automatically fasten around her ankles and wrists, keeping her in position. And, a small little device moves up behind the girls bottom with a stingy looking synthetic switch attached to it....

"Oh My! Why it looks as if she is ready to be sp-spanked!"

"She is, and there is no need to blush, a good spanking won't kill a woman, even though she may think she is dying at the time. And here is where the beauty of the machine comes in. Whether or not she gets spanked is completely up to her! If she does her reps and sets in the time that she has set herself, then nothing happens. But, if she gets slow or lazy, then she is given some incentive! Go ahead and start dear, and lets show everyone how this works. You can see on our moniter, how it tracks every time she squeezes down, for how long she squeezes, and how hard. As you can see by her face, this isn't exactly torture for her either. Now, since she has been doing this for a while, and has developed pretty good tone, and control, I will modify the program a bit...."

(The smug smile on the model disappears as she cranes her head around to see what Dr. Angie is doing...)

"There. I have now set it so that she must complete a contraction every five seconds, and hold the contraction for one second, AND she must squeeze as hard as her harder contractions have been up until now. Now our little minx has to concentrate, but she has her own moniter in front of her to let her know how she is doing...."

(we have a close up spit screen of the girl squriming and biting her lip, as her bottom clenches and tightens down, and her inner thigh muscles quiver.)

"There, see how she is starting to have trouble holding it for as long as she is supposed to and,, THERE!"

(A little chime has went off, as the girl failed both to hold the contraction long enough, and to clamp down hard enough. The arm holding the switch gives her a wicked spank!)

"Owieeeee! Oh Oh Please I'm sorryyyyyyy!!!!"

"Don't worry, that is a most normal reaction, goes back to when we were girls and tried to talk our way out of a spanking, but no luck with that here! And did you see how her contractions are MUCH higher and stronger than before? She is right back on track with only one spank! But look, she is starting to slow again and..."


"AIIIIEEEE oh oh oh!"

"...there she is, back on pace. If she gets spanked once more, according to how I have it set now, it will take the higher setting that she gets when she clamps down, and use THAT as the new baseline for her contractions, so she has some incentive to keep going. But look between her thighs, see how creamy she is, even though the little vixen is getting spanked, she is still turned on and close to coming! And THAT is most common as well!"

"Well, Dr. Angie," (as the model gets the switch AGAIN) and is writhing and moaning in the background....) That is all very interesting, but who would order one of these!?"

"Oh, LOTS of people. Like husbands, who are TIRED of their wives peeing their panties everytime she laughs! Or the guy who wants her all tight and firm after she has had a couple of kids! Or a woman who wants to quit wetting her panties or to experience more sexual pleasure herself! After only a week or so, the increased muscle tone of her pussy will be incredible! and that can only lead to better sex, for her And for him!" (Lots of the men in the audience are punching in orders on their laptop displays, much to the blushing dismay/delight of their women....And , we can hear the phones in the background merrily ringing away as men are calling in orders....)

"As you can see, our lovely model has finally finished, and she only earned ten stripes! But the demonstration was rigged against the poor girl, under her normal program, she probably only would have earned one. There, the straps automaticlly release, and then she is off of it. We'll let her go back stage now, where her boyfriend is waiting to comfort her...."

"But, but, Dr. Angie, WHY would a woman get on that in the first place!?"

"I think we covered that, but, even if she can't bring herself to climb on, her man can certainly PUT her on it! Whether or not he wants to increase the spanks is his business if she is too obstinate. And by the way, we have found that something stingy and biting works best, as it causes the best tensing of the targeted areas, so we supply canes, switches, or straps or something like the Loopy Johnny from the Adam and Gillian folks... And, for those single women who KNOW they need something like this, and once they have it at home, don't want to keep using it, we have a special program available, where the computer locks you out of all discretionary money or credit! Until you have done your excercises, and payed a penalty to the machine if you tried to skip out, it will keep you 'grounded'! Let's face it women, we often know what we should be doing, but when the going gets tough, we back off. This is here to help...."

(the idea for this came from a guy at a spanking group, Spikey, who actually made homemade spanking machines, and yes, there is a special dildo for measuring strength of Kegel contractions... I just put the two together.)



Susan M
I think a machine like that would come in handy. Wish I could have one in my home, for myself.
Tuesday February 20, 2007 - 10:46am (EST) Remove Comment

Keep kit can be painful lol
Tuesday February 20, 2007 - 07:39pm (GMT) Remove Comment

Offline IM
A++ for creativity. I'm waiting for a comedy film to be made about a fictitious spank-gym in Hollywood being the newest way to for celebrities to stay fit while wasting their money on yet another fitness trend (like Tae Bo). I think it would be hilarious to see a few immensely popular celebrities giving their testimonies in fictitious TV ads about the motivational wonders of a spank-happy gym.

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